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‘Ya, but’ Attitude?




I was conducting a counselling session for a lady whose child was confused about her career after completing graduation. As she spoke, I could constantly hear her say the words, ya, if I could…, ya, if I was supported…ya, if I had money…, etc. I gathered she was feeling anxious about not being able to help her child.  The lady was in her mid 40s and educated, still seemed helpless.

It brought me to realise this one aspect of human behaviour. We blame everything else but ourselves for what we don’t do in the present. 

Ya, I want to give time, but… Ya, I want the relationship, but… Ya, I need to lose weight, but…, etc. Here is the conclusion that I have come to concerning the ‘Ya, but…’ Attitude. This may however, not be true for all.  If it is for you, perhaps it is a good time to rethink.

Lack of Ownership : Most times, people take on the responsibility but not the ownership. A man takes on his responsibility to provide for his family with material needs but perhaps lacks the ownership of making sure that the real needs of warmth, emotional security and comfort is met or not. A woman who decides to become a homemaker takes up the responsibility of keeping the home in order but not the ownership of the quality of relationships inside that home. A student takes responsibility for scoring good marks by studying but not the ownership of exploring knowledge beyond the prescribed text books.

Wishful Thinking : People wish for things to happen all on its own with little or no efforts from their end. We wish that opportunities come to us, people love and respect us, we score or acquire success, we have good health….we wish that magic just happens. But the irony is that magic happens when you step outside your comfort zone and decide to take a step forward towards what you want. If you want peace in a relationship, step forward to build tight communication.  If you want good scores, step forward to invest productive time into knowledge building. If you want more financial stability, step forward to learn the art of saving.  Wishful thinking…remain wishes.

Ceasing to Learn :  Most people after they cross 35 yrs of age believe they have seen the world, even though the only places they may have known well enough is their home and office. This belief is an illusion, which beats them down in time, but because they have closed themselves to learning, they get used to simply being beaten.

In the counselling session, I felt if the parent would take ownership of her child’s confusions, stepped out of her comfort zone to made some calls, done some research or met a career counsellor along with her child, keeping her past inhibitions aside, she would have not only become a part of her child’s journey in a very productive way, but would have also ended up learning something new herself.

Have you met people who have the ‘Ya, but’ Attitude?

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